Why We Resist Healing

Understanding Resistance in Counselling and Personal Growth

You book the appointment… but then you cancel.
want change?… but a part of you avoids it.
You know talking would help… but you go quiet or shut down.

This is called resistance, and it’s one of the most natural parts of healing.

At Orchard Valley Counselling Services in Kelowna, we often see clients who want to feel better but something inside them feels stuck, scared, or hesitant. Resistance isn’t failure. It’s protection. And when we understand it, we can work with it instead of fighting against it.

What Is Resistance?

Resistance is the internal pushback that shows up when we try to do something uncomfortable like starting therapy, setting boundaries, or changing long-term patterns.

It can look like:

  • Cancelling or avoiding counselling appointments
  • Saying “I don’t know” when feelings come up
  • Numbing with phones, work, food, alcohol, or distraction
  • Feeling irritated or defensive when someone challenges you
  • Wanting change, but also wanting to stay where it feels safe

Resistance isn’t laziness it’s self-protection.

Why Does Resistance Happen?

Your mind and nervous system are wired for survival, not change. Even if your current situation is painful, it’s familiar. Change even positive change can feel threatening.

Common reasons resistance shows up:

  • Fear of feeling old pain again
  • Fear of losing control or being vulnerable
  • Belief that “I should handle this on my own”
  • Not trusting that things can actually get better
  • Shame or guilt about past experiences
  • The comfort of old habits even unhealthy ones

How Resistance Shows Up in Counselling

You might notice:

  • “I don’t need therapy anymore I’m fine.”
  • Talking about everything except what really hurts
  • Intellectualizing feelings instead of feeling them
  • Avoidance, silence, or shutting down emotionally
  • Feeling angry at your therapist (even when it doesn’t make sense)

This doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working it means therapy is beginning to reach important places.

How Counselling Helps You Work Through Resistance

A good therapist doesn’t force change they help you understand what part of you is scared to change.

1. Creating Safety First

Growth only happens where safety exists. Therapy provides a non-judgmental space to move at your pace.

2. Understanding Protective Parts of Yourself

Resistance is often a protective response from a younger, more vulnerable part of you. In counselling, we explore it with compassion, not criticism.

3. Regulating the Nervous System (Polyvagal Approach)

If your body feels unsafe, your mind will resist. Grounding, breathing, and body-based therapies help soften this response.

4. Taking Change Slowly One Layer at a Time

Counselling helps break change into manageable steps so healing feels possible, not overwhelming.

5. Rewriting the Story: “I’m stuck” → “I’m protecting myself.”

When resistance is seen with compassion, it loses power and stops being the enemy.

You’re Not Weak for Resisting You’re Human

Resistance doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means something inside you needs safety, patience, and understanding before it can let go.

Ready to Move Forward Even If You’re Not Fully Ready?

You don’t need to have everything figured out to begin. You just need curiosity, courage, and support.

At Orchard Valley Counselling in Kelowna, we gently help you move through resistance, create safety within your body, and move toward healing at your own pace.

👉 Book a free consultation when you’re ready or almost ready. That’s enough.