Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
By Christine Ferch
Ever find yourself on the right path, doing all the right things, pieces are falling in line, and then something happens, and then a rush of feelings comes in, and behaviours suddenly block the path. Sometimes we are aware we are engaging in S.S.B.’s, other times we are not.
Self-sabotaging behaviours are maladaptive because as they are driven by negative self-talk and an inner critic impacting a person’s ability to carry out tasks in their daily life; therefore, impacting their quality of life. Some of the most common S.S.B.’s are procrastination, self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and self-harm such as cutting.
Why do we do this?
We engage in S.S.B.’s for a variety of reasons, but why would we want to engage in counterproductive behaviours which damage our wellbeing?
For some, S.S.B.’s occur because of an accumulation of maladaptive and distorted beliefs, low self-esteem, low confidence, and an inner critic who has taken control, leading us to underestimate our capabilities. So when we feel we have reached a comfort zone, the idea of going above this comfort can be overwhelming, fearful, anxiety-provoking, to the point the self-sabotaging behaviour is an “excuse” not to push the boundary of our capabilities. The S.S.B. pushes us back into our comfort zone, leading long-standing goals to be unfinished and the individual feeling stuck.
Another easy way to identify why we engage in S.S.B.’s is L.I.F.E.
L: low or shaky self-concept
I: Internalized beliefs or core beliefs
F: Fear of change or the unknown
E: Excessive need for control
Exposure to these maladaptive elements occurs in early childhood leading to our maladaptive thoughts, behaviour, our personality and how we relate to the world. When we can identify the aspects of LIFE, we can identify when we are allowing these elements to overestimate a threat which puts us in the path of S.S.B.’s.
When we engage in S.S.B.’s our inner critic, we are not allowing ourselves to separate our destructive attitudes or inner critic with challenging positive thoughts with facts contradicting the inner critic. Identifying our values, ideals and beliefs which are more in line with our adult selves than the values and beliefs we had to internalize in our childhood which does not reflect who we are.
This is damaging because it sets us up to fail in life, which only perpetuates the negative thought cycle and beliefs about the self. S.S.B.’s are also damaging because it reinforces negative behaviours, damage our reputation, increases anger, and we can become passive-aggressive.
What can help?
There are several things we can do to decrease or prevent S.S.B.’s:
- Recognizing we are engaging in S.S.B.’s
- Identify your inner critic and begin to challenge those thoughts with facts
- Identify and understand the emotions which lead to the S.S.B.’s
- Engage in C.B.T. to change your thoughts feelings and behaviours
- Alternative your S.S.B. into a self-SUPPORTING behaviour
- Behavioural therapies: aid with interrupting ingrained patterns of thought and actions while strengthening the deliberation and self-regulation
- Motivational therapy: reconnect the individual with goals and values
See related blogs on core beliefs, negative self-talk, procrastination, C.B.T.
If you have any further questions or want to address your S.S.B.’s contact us at admin@ovcs.ca.
