To Become A Healthy Single Person and Learn How To Be Single
After a break-up or recovering from abandonment, your primary task of your single-hood is your ability to grown into yourself and come a separate person. This is a critical first step in being able to accept being single and alone. It doesn’t matter if you’re emotionally or physically alone, accepting that this is where you’re at right now. Makes it an easier transition. If we resist it, that doesn’t make it any easier, doesn’t make it go away and typically keeps us stuck. The best idea is to accept that you are alone for now, not forever, and decide what you can do to make the best of it.
At times this can take a big leap of faith – from concentrating your full energy on what you wish you had to what you do have. And what is that? No matter what, you have yourself and your persistence in moving forward and not looking back in your life.
This particular client we will call Brian reports that he is always lonely but he is not ready or in a hurry to meet someone. He states that he is still trying to process what happened with his wife of 30 years. He was finding that being alone is too essential, too valuable, too exciting. The best thing about this time alone is that he wants to now take the time for himself and learn as much about himself as he can so that when Brian does meet someone at some point, he can meet this person has a whole and healthy person.
Another benefit to being alone is having a chance to challenge yourself, and face head on any problems you may have. You reflection on yourself through self-discovery, realization, acceptance and the revelation of your higher self.
It’s funny how many people have never actually ever experienced being alone. Another client we will call Janice who has never been alone before. After her divorce Janice not only did she feel she had lost her sense of financial security, and her dreams of growing old with her partner. She ended up feeling lost, alone, rejected, abandoned, betrayed and truly didn’t think things could get much worse. But they did. Janice had to move out of her big house to a small apartment that wouldn’t take pets and no one would take her dog Joey and two cats Simon, and Spike so she had to put them down. This was devastating to her and added to her overwhelm and as bad as all of that was, Janice began to see that there was some opportunity for a new life on her terms. She finally realized that being alone wasn’t so bad after all and for the first time in her life she was happy, focused on herself, instead of always being the caregiver for others. Doing for herself, Janice realized how much she wasn’t taken care of her needs and how poorly that impacted her relationships. Now Janice was feeling good, energized, and excited for the possibility of a new future. A different future but one that she clearly could design herself and the way she wanted.
As we’ve seen with Janice, being alone is not just existing but in a very real way remembering to care for yourself which can given some people a greater sense of satisfaction. This real feeling of acceptance of being single and alone after the layers of comfort from her ex are stripped away, and made raw at times. No drugs, or alcohol were used to medicate her raw feelings of pain and rejection. Nor was there another relationship to jump into to medicate those distressing feelings that have been lying under the surface, all along unrealized due to the distraction of her ex. Those feelings and more awaited her attention which she was now able to freely focus on and work through.
Brian noticed that all of the chaos and interference that he had in the relationship was finally gone. It took his wife moving out before he could finally see things more clearly and heal the hurt. Now it was just him. His own real existence. Now he turned in wards looking and reflecting, learning about himself and what he’s about. Brian felt a death and now a rebirth through learning about himself.
When we are alone to look at ourselves and the reality of our lives with some objectivity and clarity we find ourselves. To find yourself alone, maybe not by choice is the only way you may ever really learn to know yourself and who you are. It’s only when there is significant pain that we acknowledge and feel that there can be true transformation within. We grow from the pain of aloneness creating this transformation is similar to transforming the core of our being into someone healthier and in recovery from our wounds.
Maintain your core strength as a separate, strong independent person who takes action to prove your feelings to yourself, and that no matter what you can push through and stand alone, on your own two feet. Curious as to whom notices this transformation, and inner strength? Why it’s you! You’re worth it. In all your magnificence.
What does being alone offer?
- A new way to discover and explore more about myself
- A chance to take a person inventory of your likes, and dislikes, and strengths and weaknesses, goals, and dreams
- Ability to learn to connect to my emotional self
- To re-prioritize my life
- Explore and discover my very own emotional reserves
- Identify and find your own purpose in life
- To figure out new interests or hobbies
- To challenge the complacency of my former life
- Work on your emotional intelligence and to celebrate your in emotional independence
Now-a-days more and more individuals are opting to be single. For centuries, some people have chosen a solitary life and have discovered the virtues of celibacy, hermitage, and vows of silence. No one is suggesting you become a hermit, only that there are people who have taken extreme measures to exist and enjoy the rewards of being alone. Focus your thoughts on the benefits of this, being curious about this new way of living.
Never allow your wanting to be in control to stop you from discovering the advantages of being single. Use your willfulness to gain from your aloneness rather than wasting your energy pushing against it. Try reframing the situation, looking at the positive side and the perspective that’s broad enough to help you entertain the power of possibility. This new frame of perspective and your current reality can maximize the hidden benefits of being on your own.
