Healing Work: The Inner Child
Inner Child
By Christine Ferch
The inner child is a concept described by Carl Jung, a leader in facets of psychology and mental health. Carl Jung believed in the child archetype. The inner child is linked to past experiences and memories of innocence, playfulness, creativity with hope and future thinking. We lose touch with our inner child when we are exposed to or must deal with trauma or become more mature to cope with our circumstances.
Our inner child needs to be acknowledged because it harbours the wounds experiences early on, and those wounds need to be healed. The inner child can be lost or endure emotional injury are:
– loss of parent or guardian
– Physical abuse or neglect
– Emotional abuse or neglect
– Sexual abuse
– Serious illness
– Severe bullying
– natural disasters at a young age
– Family breakup
– Victim of violence
– Substance abuse in the household
– Domestic Violence
– Mental illness of a family member
How do you know your inner child needs healing?
Your inner child may need healing if you experienced any one of the situations mentioned and are experiencing distressing mental health concerns. When we are faced with the situations above as a child, and there is no one there to help us heal, these effects will continue until we do inner child work. Some signs you may need to heal your inner child:
– self-sabotage
– self-defeating behaviour
– Self-harming behaviour
– Passive-aggressive behaviour
– Violent behaviour
When we heal our inner child, our impulsive, narcissistic, dependent, needy and afraid feelings dissipate, and we develop into self-sustained, confidence, emotionally regulated adults.
How We Heal Our Inner Child
How do we heal our inner child? First, we need to address is to know who our inner child is and accept that it exists our thoughts, feelings and behaviours begin to change.
We need to understand what happened to our inner child. We need to identify the sources of the pain and wounds we endured, whether this is neglect or any of the forms of abuse. There are a variety of techniques counsellors can use to help identify the wounds from childhood, and these tools can be used even after the sessions are over.
We need to give our inner child some compassion and will need this compassion to heal from the wounds because needs were neglected in the past. If we have not received compassion, how do we know when to give it? If we imagine an experience as a child, give that child the support it needs to make it through.
Love your inner child! We have had a childhood filled with loving caregivers and others in our social networks then faced with a traumatic incident; our trust in others faded. Alternatively, we may have had a childhood filled turmoil, so we grow up feelings distant, unloved and a deeper belief, unlovable.
Play like you did as a child!!! My favourite part of inner child work, kids, laugh and enjoy the present moments far more than adults, and it sad these fades as we age. When we engage in play, we become connected to our inner child and encourages healing because we revert to that stage in development. We engage in imagination and are creative with what we are playing with and increases positive feelings.
Communicate with your inner child. Give it guidance, praise, positive reinforcement, express your thoughts and feelings about the past and the hopes you have for the future.
Watch other children for guidance on how to activate your inner child. Watch how they play and live in the moment. When we play with our friend’s kids or nieces and nephews, we are engaging our inner child in that play, they take over our adult self and are released as we play.
What can I tell my inner child?
During difficult childhood experiences and trauma, we often feel alone, broken, and others will not understand us. To heal our inner child, some helpful phrases to tell yourself are:
- I love you: whenever you can, wherever you can, all children love to hear these words and is on the hierarchy of needs presented by Maslow
- I hear you: When we feel hurt, we push our feelings down and away, we do sometimes to not tell others for fear of not feeling heard. Parents may also have not encouraged emotional expression. I hear you acknowledge what you are thinking and how you are feeling.
- You did not deserve this: As children, we may feel as if we deserve what we are receiving because adults are supposed to know better, so why would they treat me this way if I did not deserve it? Thinking we deserve our neglect or abuse steals away our innocence and forces us into survival and moving into more mature modes of development, quickly leaving behind the inner child.
- I am sorry: as adults, we engage in the behaviours above, and this pushes our inner child too far. Just as we experienced in childhood. As an adult, acknowledge this and say, I am sorry.
- I forgive you: this releases shame, guilt and regret. You are only a kid; adults make choices as they should.
- Thank you: for never giving up, for fighting, for showing strength, resilience and perseverance for enduring all that you did. Thank your inner child for being protective and holding onto painful memories. You deserve gratitude and respect.
- You did your best: As a child, you can only do so much with the mental and physical capabilities that you have. You did your best with what you had at the time, and you are doing your best to heal now.
If you feel your inner child wants to be released and healed or if you have any questions about the process, please contact us admin@ovcs.ca
Check out my other blogs on related mental health topics 😊
