Experiencing Disapproval While Boundary Setting
We need to know how far we’ll go, and how far we’ll allow others to go with us. Once we understand this, we can go anywhere.
– Beyond Codependency (1990, Beattie, M.)
Flack From Setting Boundaries
(1990, Beattie, M.)
Are you experiencing difficulty setting boundaries with someone? Read more…
When we own our power to take care of ourselves – set a boundary, say no, change an old pattern – we may get their flack from some people. That’s okay. We don’t have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.
We don’t have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don’t ahve to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.
If people are use to us behaving in a certain way, they’ll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you. Flack.
If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That’s okay. That’s flack too.
We don’t have to let flack pull us back into our hold ways if we’ve decided we’ve want and need to change. We don’t have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn’t deserve it. It will die down.(1990, Beattie, M.)
Beattie, M. (1990). The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency. Center City, MN: Hazelden.
Appreciating Ourselves
We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us. Believe it. It makes life much easier.
– Codependent No More (1990, Beattie, M.)
It is time to stop this non-sense of running around and picking on ourselves.
We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly or indirectly – feeling less valuable than others, believing that they know better than we do, and believing that somehow others are meant to be here and we are not. We have a right to be here. We have a right to be ourselves. We are here. There is a purpose, a reason, an intention for our life. We do not have to apologize for being here or being who we are.
We are good enough, and deserving. Others do not have our magic. We have our magic. It is within us. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done in our past. We all have a past, woven with mistakes, successes, and learning experiences. We have a right to our past. It is ours and it has worked to form and shape us. As we progress on this journey, we shall see how each of our experiences will be turned around and used for good.
We have already spent too much time being ashamed, being apologetic, and doubting the beauty of ourselves. Be done with it. Let it go. It is an unnecessary burden. Others have rights, but so do we. We are neither less than nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be.
That my friend, is a wonderful gift. (1990, Beattie, M.)
Beattie, M. (1990). The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations on Codependency. Center City, MN: Hazelden.
