Cope with Loss & Pain through these best strategies. Get started by looking at the following which will help give you perspective.
1. Recognize and Acknowledge the Loss.
In order to heal from loss the first step is in recognizing and acknowledging that there is something within you that is wounded and needs healing. The empowerment to change comes from accepting that there is something that is within us that is hurting, in pain, and possible distress. This may create feelings of anger, frustration, confusion in us about why are we feeling this and how come I can’t just get over it.
Acknowledgement that we have actually lost something or someone of value to us and it hurts. And it’s okay to take my time to feel this and not try to push past it and get over it too quickly if we are not ready too. Our heart understands this and keeps us there and in the grief and loss till we truly feel it, process it the way we are supposed to and need to for us. Not grieving this loss for anyone else but for us and in our own time.
This pain that we feel hurts and is uncomfortable, and not necessarily where we want to be but where we are truly supposed to be right now and in this moment. Begin this recognition and acknowledgement of our loss and grief by being present with it and feeling it. Allowing it’s experience to be there and remember some of the fun, excellent and positive experiences that cannot be repeated. What do you miss and why does this or these things have meaning to you?
2. Feel the Loss and Embrace It.
Automatically our first thought when we have pain is that we are not wanting to feel it or think about it so we may try to avoid or withdrawal from it. Thinking this might be the easiest and most useful thing for us. Mostly because it’s uncomfortable and nobody wants to feel any discomfort or distress caused from the pain of a loss. Some of us may even different coping strategies to distract ourselves from this pain, such as food, alcohol, illegal drugs, television, gambling;etc. This list can be quite exhaustive and never ending. When we look at using these things to numb our pain, we are essentially trying to numb our very existence.
Frequently some individuals, not all mind you, will focus all of their energy, time and attention on trying to control their pain. But we know that what goes up, must eventually come down. So these very feelings that we are trying to fight and push away will resurface at various points in our lives and sometimes at very inappropriate times. What we resist, ends up persisting so we might as well face the pain now because it’s just going to come back again anyway but next time it may be worse.
Embrace Emotions of Loss
Instead of pushing the pain away, try something very different than what you would normally do. Try to feel the loss and the pain that comes along with it. We will heal quicker by just embracing it and allowing it to just be there, as long as it needs to be there. These feelings of loss and pain may also feel like anger, sadness, confusion, uncertainty about the future, hopelessness, guilt, or all of the above.
The only way to have our body and mind heal from loss is by going through it and not around it. Feel what you need to feel, let go of what you need to let go of, and when you’re ready you will heal in time. Don’t force it, it will happen when it’s ready and when your mind and body are ready. There is no time limit to these feelings, however, should you feelings of depression continue after a few months and not improve you may want to seek support of a grief counsellor and your family doctor.
3. Create Some Space for Opening Yourself Up.
When you’re ready to open yourself up to your emotions, and explore them. Examine what else may be happening in your body and mind in the form of feelings, images, thoughts or memories. Especially notice if there is anything unexpected that may come up for you such as an image or memory or a reaction that doesn’t seem to fit because maybe they are more affirming, positive feelings of laughter, happiness or emotions that feel freeing;etc. These emotions are also normal at this time and shouldn’t be ignored either.
4. Expect Some Overwhelm and Flooding of Emotions.
It’s normal and completely expected at times like this to feel overwhelmed by a wave of emotion that can knock you off your feet, kick you in the gut and knock the wind out of you, leave you tired, spent, out-of-control, completely emotionally and physically drained. You may feel numbed out, frustrated, annoyed, or irritated by others in your life. Know that even though your emotions feel like they are taking you on a crazy roller coaster ride, that this will calm down in time, trust that it will, and that it won’t harm you. It feels like it will and it may feel like you can’t take it anymore but pain will continue if you keep pushing it away. So again remember to embrace it. You don’t need to love or even like it, but just let it be there till it leaves. It will. Be kind and compassionate with yourself and the time it takes or needs to mend it’s wounds.
5. You May Have Unhelpful Thoughts.
You may have thoughts that you should be over it by now. Life may never be the same. If only I had done something different. Life is so unfair. It’s all my fault. Things will never be the same. These are all normal thoughts that people sometimes have during a loss of any kind. Notice these thoughts from a distance. They may come up as a fact but remember not everything you think is true. Instead of treating them as truth, notice them as a possible reaction to your situation but not necessarily something you have to do something about. If you feel hooked, try to become unhooked by changing your thinking to dispute your thoughts to something more positive. Recognize those thoughts without let them hijacking and taking over your actions.
6. Connect With What Matters.
Always know that there is still meaning in your life, regardless of what your mind may tell you. There are still individuals and activities in your life that matter to you. This pain that you feel is proof that you are still alive. Recognize those feelings of lose but reach out for those things that make life worth living. Identify what’s truly important to you in life and what’s close to your heart. After you’ve examined this, use this information to become the person you want to be, for yourself. It’s an opportunity to use this loss to carry what is most meaningful towards a life worth living. Think about the actionable steps you can take to utilize these qualities.
7. Commit To Action.
When you have identified what matters to you, act on it and let your behaviour be guided by your values and principles. This could mean reaching out to other people in your life. It could mean it’s time to go back to work, or volunteering with an organization that you’d feel comfortable working at. You get to decide what’s of value to you, while you act on your values and be sure to treat yourself with kindness and compassion.
